Twas The Night Before Draft Day...

...and there is a lot going on. Very refreshing, given that this is the "No Balls Association" we're talking about. Several major trades, the most unpredictable draft in history, trade rumors flying around like erotic emails from the esteemed governor of South Carolina - sign me up!

I'll have more draft related stuff up after the draft night festivities are over, but right now I've got a lot on my mind, so we're going bullet point style:

*As a fan of one of the 29 NBA teams that DIDN'T trade for Shaq, I'm relieved. Thrilled, even. And unless you're a Cavs fan or a Suns fan who is preparing for the nuclear winter that is their 2009-2010 season, you should be thanking Yahweh, Jesus, Allah, Krishnu, Buddha, assorted pagan gods, and/or whatever voodoo doll you deem the source of your salvation that your team wasn't a part of this, because its not going to end well.

Now, to the Cavs credit, getting Shaq for this cheap is a coup, especially since the Cavs fans in my life despised Sasha Pavlovic so much they were considering pooling their money to hire someone to go Tonya Harding on his kneecaps.

But lost in the hullaballoo of bringing in the man soon to be known as The Big Dying Industrial City is this: the Phoenix training staff prescribes HGH. Or are pretty good at their jobs. But probably the first one.

Seriously, how is this not a bigger story? You're expecting me to believe Grant Hill, who hadn't played in 80 games since the 1997-1998 season, suddenly went Ponce de Leon (that's a fountain of youth reference for those of you keeping score at home) at age 36? That Steve Nash's body hasn't gone the way of a crash test dummy after the beating he's taken throughout his career? Or more to the point, that the last time Shaq played in as many as 75 regular season games (last year's total) was in 1999-2000 - and that was with him taking mandatory rest days?!? If this was baseball, we'd have already blacklisted the entire team. Yet because it's on the hardwood, we pretend that this stuff is normal. This is straight out of the Barry Bonds playbook, folks. You've been warned.

Anyways, regardless of whatever the hell is going on in Phoenix, the bottom line is Shaq won't have it at his disposal anymore. A 350lb, 37 year old man who already struggled playing 30+ minutes a night...sounds fantastic. Shaq is one of a kind, so nothing would surprise me with him, and he certainly brings a lot to the table, especially for such a low cost. But I'm setting the over/under on his games played at 55, and I'm taking the under.

*You know what deal didn't suck? San Antonio getting Richard Jefferson. You know what deal made me very sad as a fan of one of the 29 NBA teams that DIDN'T make it? Yeah, that one.

It's perfect for what they need: an athletic swingman in the prime of his career who can score, play decent defense, and is durable. Since Ginobili and Duncan are good for missing around 50 games between them, that last part is particularly important. Now if San Antonio has to go to war without one of the Parker/Duncan/Ginobili triumvirate, they're covered. Not to mention that Bruce Bowen will likely boomerang back to San Antonio if and when Milwaukee buys him out. Needless to say, I'm less than thrilled that this development happened in the Mavs' division.

Underrated deal for Milwaukee as well, in that it accomplishes everything they set out to do in one foul swoop. Clear cap space? Check. Get a decent asset out of the deal (Amir Johnson, after flipping Fabricio Oberto to Detroit)? Check. Waste said cap space on soft, defensive liability of a power forward (Charlie Villanueva) instead of the most underrated young point guard in the league (Ramon Sessions)? Pending.

*In the supposed "year of the point guard," three that I love: Ricky Rubio, Jonny Flynn, and Eric Maynor.

*Three that I don't: Tyreke Evans, Jrue Holliday, and Nick Calathes.

*And three that I have no clue on: Brandon Jennings, Ty Lawson, and Jeff Teague.

*This draft has been called the worst since 2000, with the potential to be even more crap-tastic. No question it's bad, but I have to disagree on the latter point. I doubt there will be many All Stars, and I wouldn't be shocked if there are no superstars but what this does have is depth; you can get a decent player all the way through the mid to late 20s in this draft, and there really isn't much difference between the guy you can get at 10 versus as 25.

Hence, the unprecedented amount of confusion less than a day before the draft, which is incredible given that we live in an age of omni-present media and reporting. Or maybe not, since that same age has given rise to an unprecedented amount of shoddy journalism, creating an ever present digital smokescreen. Honestly, I like it. Give the suspense. If this draft is going to be bad, it might as well be interesting.

*One last thought that I'll expand upon in my post draft column. On Tuesday, I wrote about how Lamar Odom epitomized Stu from "The Hangover" in that you have no clue what to expect from them. Well, this draft is chock-full of Stus, and given the aforementioned parity in the talent pool, you could simultaneously rationalize gambling on one ("I might as well take a shot at something special if the alternative is guaranteed mediocrity") or avoiding them entirely ("You can deal with that headache; I'll take my guaranteed rotation guy, thank you").

Personally, I'm anti-Stu but if there ever is a draft to roll the dice, its this one. Thankfully, Dallas is in the perfect position at #24 because the draft will come to them, and they can simply take the best player available.

My realistic wish list for tomorrow night:

1. Eric Maynor
2. Sam Young
3. Austin Daye (I'd be surprised, but not shocked if he was here)
4. Chase Budinger
5. Wayne Ellington

"The Hangover" and the 2009 LA Lakers: More Similar than You'd Think

At the risk of vomiting uncontrollably on my laptop, I’ve got another Laker thought:

Having recently seen “The Hangover” like the rest of America, it dawned on me how striking the parallels are between the intrepid cast of the movie, and this year’s Laker squad.

Kobe is Phil, the cool guy who everyone gravitates toward and the de facto leader of the group, even though he’s kind of an asshole. Phil also has a wife and kids, yet doesn’t hesitate to hit on strippers over the course of the movie… I don’t think I have to explain the parallel there.

Odom is Stu because you never know what you’re going to get. One minute, Stu is a respected dentist with a sweater tied around his neck; the next, he’s missing a tooth and marrying a hooker at a quickie Vegas wedding. Meanwhile, Lamar over the course of his career has smoked enough marijuana to fill an entire forest, developed a bizarre candy addiction (and I wouldn’t rule out those two things having a cause-and-effect relationship), and oh, by the way, is one of a half-dozen guys tops who has the potential to slap together a triple-double any night he walks on the court. I don’t get Lamar Odom. Let’s move on.

Derek Fisher is Alan. The rest of the crew hated Alan and tried to pretend that they didn’t know him, mostly because for the majority of the movie Alan ranged from completely worthless in the best of times (with his weird comments, singing, and horribly unkempt appearance) to self-sabotaging in the worst (by roofie-ing his friends). Fish has been the object of scorn for Laker fans all season long for losing the life on his jumper and getting lit up on D all season long. But each one completely redeemed themselves at the most crucial time; Allen made back the group’s money at the blackjack table while Fish buried those 3 pointers in Game 4 of the Finals. Needless to say, nobody’s complaining now – at least until the sequel/championship defense

***Sidebar [and since I don’t have sidebars, I’m using italics]: My buddy Ryan astutely predicted that Zach Galifianakis’ performance would mirror Steve Carrell’s from Anchorman in that he would not only tear it up in this role and steal the show as the 4th lead, which he did, but would use that performance to springboard to much bigger things. Time will tell, but I think he hit the nail on the head. Back to the column***

The two biggest upgrades that made this championship possible for the Lake Show were getting Trevor Ariza and Pau Gasol, and accordingly they represent the biggest upgrade in the movie – Stu going from his completely uptight and borderline insane almost-fiancé to the smoking hot, if promiscuous Heather Graham. Stu’s quality of life had to go up at least 300% after making that switch but to be honest, I’m not sure that 300% even begins to scratch the surface of how big those two trades were for LA. Can you imagine Kwame Brown, Brian Cook, Jarvaris Crittendon, and Marc Gasol (the Billy Baldwin to Pau’s Alec) instead of Pau and Ariza? The Lakers would struggle to be anything higher than a #7 seed. The moral of the story: sometimes you need a bit of luck – and two stupid GMs – to reach the top of the mountain.

Andrew Bynum is Tyler the Baby. Both made were indispensable in making their respective works reach their full potential, both are super young and destined for much better things in the future, and both completely disappeared about a third of the way through the journey.

Finally, Phil Jackson is the Mercedes. He’s old, classy, and still on top of his game, but more significantly, both the car and Phil’s triangle offense were reduced to scrap metal by the end. Still, the beat up wreck of a Benz got the crew to the wedding, and the give-Kobe-the-ball-and-get-out-of-the-way offense [trademark pending] got the Lakers a championship. Without the car, the crew never would have gotten to or from Vegas, or to the desert to pay Mr. Chow. Without Phil, the team would have lost all structure, and Kobe probably would have rebelled.

Deep, huh? OK, probably not, but the parallels are there. I can only hope that like this movie in a few weeks, the Lakers will become completely forgettable…or since that’s not happening, at least an entertaining “Hangover” sequel.

Kobe's All-Time Status

With Kobe finally winning his own title last weekend, the aftermath naturally centered on his place among the all-time greats. No question Bryant belongs in the mix, or that this ring elevated his status even more among the league’s greats, but where exactly does he fall relative to the history of his position, his franchise, and the league as a whole?

Kobe as a Shooting Guard

Kobe’s position here is most clear-cut. Like everyone else, he’s a level below Michael Jordan but beyond that, there’s only one player at his level – the man who drafted him, Jerry West. But with all due respect to Kobe, he still ain’t The Logo.
Too often we lose perspective of just how great the legends from the past are, and this is true of West perhaps more than anyone. He played before the invention of the 3 point line, meaning that his 27.0 ppg scoring average – already good for 6th all time – would not only have been enhanced, but very well could have become the greatest of all time had he played in a later era. Similarly, West is regarded one of the greatest defenders in league history, yet even this designation isn’t fully appreciated because the league only started tracking steals during his last year in the league; incredibly, at age 36, West still averaged 2.6 swipes per game. For his career, West averaged 27.0 ppg/6.7 apg/5.8 rpg on 47% shooting – each of which surpasses Kobe.

Come playoff time, West got even better. His scoring average of 29.1ppg is third best in league history, and he made the playoffs in all but one of his NBA seasons. Some of these campaigns were just downright silly, such as 1964-1965, during which he averaged 40.6 ppg while shooting 44.2% from the field and 89% from the line.
West’s detractors try to mitigate the significance of these achievements by pointing out that despite nine Finals appearances, he only has one ring to show for his efforts. Of course, West’s Lakers continually ran into the buzz saw that was Bill Russell’s Celtics, a group chock full of future Hall of Famers and who, by the way, might be the greatest dynasty in the history of sports. West is, however, the only player in league history to win Finals MVP on a losing team for his performance in the 1969 Finals.

Overall, Kobe’s one advantage over West is having three more rings, but his competition was nothing compared to West’s. As amazing as Kobe is, The Logo was better across the board and truth be told, enjoyed a career closer to Jordan’s than Bryant’s has been to West’s.


Kobe as a Laker

This is one is pretty tough, because the list of all-time great Lakers is a very long and distinguished one. Ultimately, I put Bryant 6th behind the following players:

*Jerry West, for reasons we’ve already discussed.

*Magic Johnson – Perhaps the greatest Laker (if there is such a thing), as well as the greatest point guard of all time and probably one of the five greatest players ever. Kobe’s good, but not that good.

*Wilt Chamberlain – The single most physically dominant player of all time. Owns the league record for highest scoring and rebounding averages both on the single season and career levels, as well as the distinction of being the only man to score more points in a single game than The Mamba.

*Kareem Abdul-Jabbar – The most decorated athlete in NBA history – and yes, I’m including Jordan. 6 rings, 6 MVPs, 19 All-Star games, the league’s all-time leading scorer… hell, the guy even won a Finals MVP at age 38! Only a couple of other players are in the same stratosphere as that, so there’s no shame in saying that Kobe isn’t one of them.

*Shaquille O’Neal – I could go into why Shaq is probably the second most physically dominant player of all time, or how he made the careers of tons of mediocre role players, or all the specific numbers of how unstoppable he was in his prime but it all boils down to this simple, unavoidable reality: Shaq and Kobe won 3 titles together, and Shaq was Finals MVP all 3 times. In fact, even during the 2003-2004 Finals against Detroit, when Shaq was beginning to decline and Kobe was clearly the best player on the team, Shaq put up vintage numbers (26.6/10.8 on 49% shooting) while Kobe struggled (22.6 ppg on 38% shooting). Although there is a six year age difference between them, those four years dovetailed nicely between Kobe’s ascendance as a superstar and the latter half of Shaq’s prime years; in sum, both were relatively near their peak years, both were two of the game’s most important stars and yet it was indisputably Shaq’s team.

So, Kobe doesn’t crack the top five. Of course, we’re talking about five of the greatest players ever, so this exercise is much more about how loaded the Lakers have been more than it is about Bryant himself.

Kobe as an All-Time Great

Ranking the greatest players of all time is a much larger and more comprehensive project than this column demands. In many ways, it is a futile one; comparing and projecting players across different eras and positions is an impossible task, resulting in an irresolvable debate that would divert attention away from the matter at hand.

Normally I’m all for these, and someday I’ll put together my own list. But for now, we’ll deal in approximates. I’ve heard some columnists say that Kobe has cracked the top 10 but I’m skeptical. After all, we just named five Lakers with better resumes and adding Jordan, Russell, and Bird to the list, that’s an easy eight right there. Going strictly off the top of my head, I’d struggle to place him above Oscar Robertson or Tim Duncan; with some research, you probably can make a case for a few more as well.

What I will say is that he’s firmly entrenched somewhere in the top 20, and most likely in the top 15. Regardless of the exact number, there’s no longer any denying just how great a player #24 has become, and this comes from a man with a long history of attempting to do just that. Winning a title on his own cements Kobe’s status as one of the all time greats, and it is certainly well deserved.