Tuesday, July 28, 2009

YouTube Tuesday! - Wedding Edition


Remember when I said that I reserve the right to put a non-sports related clip on here? This is one of those times - slow sports day, nothing in particular I'm doing to show, already wrote earlier today...you get the idea.

So what I'm going to give you is the single coolest video I've seen a while. It comes from a now-happily married couple in St. Paul, Minnesota and it involves Chris Brown. Admittedly, part of the reason I love it stems from the irony of watching them shimmy down the aisle to the tunes of a guy convicted of domestic abuse, but moreso because it's awesome. Don't get me wrong, I'd never do it at my wedding (my mother would probably have a heart attack), but it's still a damn good idea. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8DCt3Lmi28

Things Mike Likes - 7/28/09

We're trying something new here: a series of bullet point responses on various issues. It's my way to ramble, give an opinion on something that doesn't warrant a column, and/or throw out a link or two. Here we go...

Things Mike Likes

The Mavericks Signing Drew Gooden and Tim Thomas.

Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are to be typing that. But for one year deals, its low risk, high reward.

Gooden gives the Mavs a legit, 6'10'' guy who is athletic and can guard the athletic, hybrid 4/5s like Denver's guys, McDyess, Okur, Aldridge, etc. who run the circles around Erick Dampier (who, say what you will, can do an above average job on the bigger, slower types like Okafor and Duncan). He's a great rebounder, and is an honest to God post scorer, which is something the Mavs haven't had literally since I've been alive. For the record, I'm 22. That's not a good thing.


The downside is he has the basketball IQ of a retarded zebra, and rocks a hideous goatee that he calls "the Johnny" in honor of the Pirates of the Caribbean star, which is something I'd associate more with a male escort than a professional basketball player. He's probably the weirdest Mav since Dennis Rodman's ever-too-brief tenure, so it will certainly be interesting.

Oh, and don't think Donnie Nelson doesn't know this already. Actual quote from the Mavs GM: He’s certainly got personality but the way he brings it to a locker room is a plus.

What does that even mean?!?!? Is Drew Gooden going to strut around naked, imploring everyone to run their hands through "the Johnny"? Is he going to challenge Dirk to a "who can go without shaving the longest contest," which he's done before with the equally insane DeShawn Stevenson of Washington, because Dirk probably wouldn't back down from that and I don't want our franchise player looking like a homeless person.

Now I'm excited! There is no ceiling for what Drew Gooden might do, which is equal parts hilarious and horrifying.

Look, having a crazy person on your team is akin to heavy drinking. It's a lot of fun at first, until you wake up one day with a huge headache and wondering what possibly could have possessed you to think this was a good idea. You swear it off for a while afterward because you know better...but sooner or later, you gloss over the bad parts in order to focus on just how ridiculous and absurd it all was. So you go back for more, figuring it will be different this time, and the cycle begins again.

Is any of that a good thing? No, probably not. But you know you're at least a little bit excited.


Now, about Tim Thomas....

First of all, I did, in fact, have the option to choose a picture of Timmy that was taken after 1997. I declined said option.

As for the actual analysis, I'm going to turn that over to a series of text messages from my dear buddy Jonno:

#1 Tim Thomas. Hahahaha.

#2 I actually like the move as another 1 year deal. I'm glad we signed Tim Thomas. That is not something I thought I would say ever.

#3 Our locker room will be very interesting this year

That's all you need to know, really.

One more reason why this is probably a steal. Tim Thomas embodies everything I loathe about professional athletes in that he wastes his talent, and really only tries when he has to earn his next paycheck. Well, guess what? He's on a one year deal at the veteran's minimum, and at age 32, is likely playing for his last contract. He's going to be plenty motivated, which means the 3 pointers (over 40% in 3 of the past 5 years) are going to fall. Timmy's pulled this act before, so I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it's bombs away this season in Dallas.

Conventional NBA Line-Ups

So when my beloved Dallas Mavericks are putting together a roster that eerily resembles what the old Phoenix Suns offenses looked like, and plan to play a crunch time lineup that involves Dirk at center, let's just say I'm a little concerned.

This team needs another center, one that gives them more than what Dampier and Gooden are liable to give them. The ideal candidate is the extremely available Chris Kaman, who provides a big time post presence on offense, double digit rebounding, and blocks a shot and a half per game on D.

A Greg Buckner-Shawne Williams-Kris Humphries triumvirate works under the cap and saves the Clippers about $5.5 million this year assuming they buy out Williams and waive Buckner (only 1 million guaranteed on his 4.2 million dollar contract), and they don't need Kaman with Marcus Camby around. Well, they will when Camby bolts LA after this season but don't tell the Clips that.

Getting a center like Kaman firmly plants this Dallas team firmly in the West's top 3, with potential for more. Standing pat leaves them somewhere in the murky, 3 to 6 range depending on what else they do for the rest of the offseason.

Hearing About Important Sports Stories

As opposed to the avalanche of recycled garbage about Brett Favre, Mike Vick, and Erin Andrews.

This is the dark side of the instant access, 24/7 nature of the society we live in. Once the media opened the Pandora's box that is the Internet, they not only opt to run with it but now feel compelled to do so. In other words, they constantly feel the need to provide a new angle, a new scoop, a new update...even when there isn't one to provide.

That's why we have The Brett Favre Saga (yes, it really does necessitate a proper name at this point), Michael Vick watch, and my two favorites, the LeBron video and the Tim Tebow-Steve Spurrier fiasco.

And really, who cares? None of this stuff is at all important, and in most cases it's truly irrelevant. Even if LeBron had gotten dunked on (and if you saw the video, it was more a case of Bron Bron getting out of the way because it wasn't worth the hassle of playing defense ), it's just another example of what happens to every superstar who plays the game professionally. Even if Tebow didn't get Spurrier's vote for All-SEC, he still won his spot by a 10 to 1 margin.

Get used to it, because it's the flip side of the coin that brings you box scores, stats, highlights, and news at the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, it's not going anywhere for a while.


Seeing Zlatan Ibrahimovic Play

Yes, I did manage to see Ibracadabra after all, in what turned out to be his last match with Inter Milan. I was planning on writing about it, too, but after spending 3 hours in traffic and subsequently only seeing 45 minutes of actual match time, I get drained even thinking about it. As my father described it as the worst driving experience of his life, and keep in mind this is a man who spent half his life in New York City. Moral of the story: don't live in Los Angeles.

The MLB Trade Deadline

As you can probably tell, after writing 2,000 words about it in my Roy Halladay column, which conveniently appears in the post directly below it.

"Shameless plug," you say? You are correct, sir.

And last, but certainly not least...

YouTube Tuesday!

No, I haven't forgotten. The link will be up in a couple hours. Get excited. Yes, that would constitute shameless plug #2. I'm quite OK with that.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The Best Laid Plans....: Why the Rangers Must Trade for Roy Halladay




Put up or shut up.

Do or die.

Sink or swim.


This time two years ago, those hackneyed forks in the road were staring down Jon Daniels like the barrel of a loaded gun. He was 29 then, and only in his second season as the Texas Rangers GM, yet the luster had long worn off his once incandescent star.

Bad trades will do that to you. You flip an All-Star second baseman (Alfonso Soriano) here, a couple wunderkind prospects (John Danks and Adrian Gonzalez) there, with nothing to show for it, and soon the same baby face that once got you branded a young genius begets labels such as “naïve” and “overmatched.”

Ahead of the July 31st, 2007 MLB trade deadline, Daniels had an opportunity to redeem himself – or destroy his career for good. He was dangling Mark Teixeira and Eric Gagne, the best available position player and relief pitcher respectively, and badly needed an infusion of prospects to stimulate a barren farm system.

For the next two weeks, Jon Daniels would be trading for his job. But more than that, he would be trading for his image, his reputation, his legacy. He would be trading to put his career on a fast track down one of those forks in the road.

Make or break.

Kill or be killed.

Theo Epstein or Paul DePodesta.


***************************************************

Today, the Rangers are on their way to becoming the darlings of baseball. They boast one of the best offenses in baseball – no surprise there – but also feature Baseball America’s top farm system, stocked to the brim with promising minor league arms that could potentially slake the franchise’s eternal thirst for quality pitching.

No less than four established every day players – Ian Kinsler, Josh Hamilton, Nelson Cruz, and Elvis Andrus – are core guys on the right side of thirty, with team leader Michael Young capable of providing solid play at third base for another three to four years as a complementary player.

The bullpen runs five deep in quality arms, including baseball’s statistically best 7-8-9 combo in Darren O’Day, CJ Wilson, and Frankie Francisco.

Even the rotation has improved by leaps and bounds under the tutelage of pitching coach Mike Maddux, unearthing a potential long term building block named Scott Feldman while slowly developing uber-prospect Derek Holland.

All of that with nary a mention of the individual star-caliber talents lurking in the minor leagues, and for good reason; even a brief synopsis includes enough names to warrant a completely separate column.

For the first time in a long time, the Rangers have a plan; patiently acquire long term assets, build through the draft while aggressively pursuing Latin American talent, curb spending in the free agent market, and trade any non-essential assets while they have peak value.

Even more important than the plan itself, though, is the franchise’s commitment to it. Over the past eight years, the organization’s pendulum has swung back and forth from trying to buy a team through free agency (think A-Rod and Chan Ho Park), to developing from within (Hank Blalock and Mark Teixeira), back to buying a team through free agency (Kevin Millwood), back to developing from within (the ballyhooed trio of John Danks, Edinson Volquez, and Thomas Diamond – none of whom experienced success in a Ranger uniform), with a few meek attempts at balancing the two approaches in between.

None of it worked.

Not even close.

Yet here they are, on the right track and for once, showing no signs of veering off the road.

***************************************************

All of this can be traced back to July 31st, 2007, Daniels’ day of reckoning. It’s the day that changed everything, a line in the sand that created “before” and “after;” “then” and “now;” “B.C.” and “A.D.”

By the time the trade deadline had passed, Daniels turned Teixeira, Gagne, and Kenny Lofton into nine players. Already, four of them (Andrus, David Murphy, Jarrod Saltalamacchia, and Matt Harrison) have become big league regulars, while three more (Neftali Feliz, Max Ramirez, and Engel Beltre) rank among the team’s top ten prospects. An eighth, Kason Gabbard, made a half season’s worth of starts before eventually being jettisoned.

The immediate impact was akin to a meteor’s in that it was big, and easy to spot; 3 trades, 3 wins, and quickie-remodel of the farm system.

But the ripple effect was even greater, and the team has ridden the wave of momentum ever since, and they have Jon Daniels to thank for it.


Post D-Day 2007, the man just can’t seem to miss. Fresh off striking out in his courtship of Torii Hunter, Daniels turned around and flipped Volquez to Cincinnati for Hamilton, who instantly filled the voids in center field, the middle of the batting order, and as the face of the franchise.

He brought in Milton Bradley, fresh off the worst year of his career, and watched him have his best one. Milton might be gone now, but the two first round picks he brought as free agency compensation certainly will not be forgotten.

He turned others’ trash into his treasure, plucking key relievers O’Day and Jason Grilli, each of whom sports a sub 2.00 ERA with the team, off waivers, as well as coaxing 15 home runs and counting from Andruw Jones, last seen decomposing in Dodger blue.


Most important of all, he shelled out for pitching coach Mike Maddux. Maddux has gotten a young pitching staff to be aggressive by trusting their stuff and the team’s much improved defense. Simply put, it’s working; the Rangers currently 12th in the majors in total pitching after finishing dead last in 2008 with an atrocious 5.37 ERA.

For two years and counting, Daniels has been building something special. It’s no longer a question of ‘if’, but rather a declarative of ‘when;’ soon, very soon, the Rangers will be a force to reckoned with.

***************************************************

‘When’ was supposed to be 2010, or at least that was the plan. Daniels said so himself during spring training, citing that as the date when some of that young pitching would not only trickle into the majors, but also begin to pay dividends.

What Daniels didn’t count on was the pieces coming together ahead of schedule. The Rangers are currently 54-42, good for 3.5 games back in the AL West. Given the sorry state of affairs that passed for a track record over the past decade, that would be impressive enough in its own right.

Yet it’s even more significant in how they’re accomplishing it. The Rangers aren’t playing out of their heads to get to this mark, nor are they even playing within them. If anything, the Rangers might be underachieving.

That’s the term I’d use when Kinsler, a career .280 hitter who raked to the tune of .320 in 2008, is plodding along at .244.

It’s the word that describes Josh Hamilton’s injury-plagued campaign; “Hambone” is hitting .228 with 7 HRs and 28 RBIs.

Chris Davis barely staying above the Mendoza line? The switch-hitting Saltalamacchia, formerly the best hitting prospect in the minors, re-defining mediocrity at .246 with 7HRs? Yeah, I’d call that underachieving.

Here’s the thing, though: these guys are way too talented – and in Kinsler and Hamilton’s case, too accomplished - to be this bad. Soon, they’re going to turn it around. Considering that the Rangers are currently in the thick of a pennant race, all the while fighting off a collective slump at the plate, there is certainly reason for optimism.

It’s also evidence that this season is no fluke. While the finished product is still a ways away, it would be foolish to dismiss the 2009 Rangers’ accomplishments as anything less than the beginning stages of contention. Contention that wasn’t expected this soon.

This brings us to Friday’s trade deadline.

Despite the dramatic improvement that Mike Maddux has coaxed from the pitching staff, it’s apparent that the starting rotation isn’t strong enough to hold up down the stretch of a pennant race, much less on the battlefields of October.

The nominal ace, Kevin Millwood, is best suited to be a second starter, with Feldman and Vincente Padilla as the third and fourth starters rather than their current lot as two/thirds of a playoff rotation. While Derek Holland’s talent is considerable, so too are his growing pains and at this stage of the season, he’s doing the team more harm than good during his starts.

Normally, these types of issues cannot be resolved until the off-season, when teams have time and energy exclusively devoted towards shoring up these shortcomings.


But these are not normal times. Not when Roy Halladay is available.

It’s been well-documented that the Toronto Blue Jays ace won’t come cheap, which is to be expected. Pitchers of his caliber are so rarely available, even less so when they still have two years on their contract remaining. At age 32, Halladay is the total package; in his prime, under control, dominant, and capable of inducing ground balls, an absolute must at Rangers’ Ballpark in Arlington.

Acquiring Halladay requires the Rangers to part with one of the organization’s three elite prospects – Holland, Feliz, or first baseman Justin Smoak – as well as three other high-level minor leaguers.

That’s no small matter, considering:

A. the team has invested so much in building the farm system;

B. these prospects project as upper rotation starters (Holland and Neftali Feliz) or middle of the order bats with Gold Glove chops (Smoak);

and C. the issue of cash strapped Tom Hicks having to take on the remaining $22 million on Halladay’s deal.

In this case, the risks are worth the reward. For all these prospects’ talent, their best case scenario is becoming Halladay. Best case. Worst case – there are exponentially more of these – they go any number of other routes including injury, failure, or not being good enough.

Nobody knows for certain what Derek Holland and Neftali Feliz will ultimately give the Texas Rangers. We certainly didn’t with Mark Prior and Doc Gooden, the epitome of “can’t miss” pitching prospects who did just that.

But I do know what Halladay will give them: a true ace, and the best pitcher to grace Arlington since Nolan Ryan was on the mound over 15 years ago. A rotation of Halladay, Millwood, Feldman, Padilla, and Holland or the emerging Tommy Hunter ranks among the league’s stoutest, and would make them the favorites in the AL West.

The farm system, while shaken, would still be overflowing with talent; in the words of Rangers insider Jamey Newberg, “Texas would have to make five blockbuster trades in the next six days to empty its system.” Moreover, when those young pitchers reach the big leagues, they’d find no better role model than Halladay, who was sent down from the majors all the way to A ball only to then remake himself into arguably the best pitcher in the game.

Trading for Halladay would be the perfect blend of trying to win now while working towards the future, an approach that they are so unaccustomed to succeeding with. Surrender the right mix of prospects, and the Rangers can probably get Toronto to foot some of the bill on Halladay’s salary too.

Yes, the Rangers are on the right track, but standing still nonetheless will get them run over.

Thus, two years after that eventful trade deadline, Jon Daniels again has the chance to change his team’s fortunes. Will he capitalize?

***************************************************

So, no, this season wasn’t part of Daniels’ plan.

The thing with plans, however, is that they’re all projection. And projection only gets you so far in baseball, a sport where untold legions of tomorrows never see their day, yet teams still mar the present for a shot at such uncertain glory.

Sometimes, that’s fine. It was the right call two years ago, when the team needed a way out of baseball irrelevance. That time it worked, for everything that the Rangers are and will be stems from the decisions made during that week.

But it’s not now.

Not when the Rangers, for once, have a chance to win their division for the first time in over a decade.

Not when Texas, one of the great baseball states, is starved for a winner in the professional ranks to rival the success they’ve relished at the collegiate level.

Not when Roy Halladay is on the market.

Once again, Jon Daniels is staring down two paths.

Trade or stand pat.

Adapt, or stick to the plan.

Give it a shot, or wait ‘til next year.

Let’s hope he knows which one to take.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

YouTube Tuesday: Ibra-cadabra!

Roughly six hours from now, my father and I will hit the Rose Bowl to see two of the half dozen best soccer teams in the world take the pitch in the grandiosely named World Football Classic. Its something I've looked forward to for a while now, and making matters convenient, it pits my least favorite club in the entire world, Chelsea, against my favorite club in the entire world, Inter Milan.

There are many reasons I love Inter, but one of the most aesthetically pleasing is a Swede. Now before images of scantily clad Swedish women begin bounding through your head, let me temper your enthusiasm: I'm talking about a male Swede. A male, 6'4'' Swede with a very crooked nose who with a tongue twisting name of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, or Ibra to those in the know.



Less excited? Well, I can't blame you. The reason I use the term "aesthetically pleasing" to describe him isn't because he's particularly attractive, but because "Ibra-cadabra" performs the kind of magic with a soccer ball that's so out-of-this world, it bring you back to the days when you believed in the Tooth Fairy and booked round-trip tickets to Narnia.

Allow me to clarify. 6'4'' is very, very tall, for a soccer player and the majority of players that size tend to lumber across the pitch, using their size to outmuscle their opponents. Ibrahimovic, however, is an anomaly; not only can he use his strength with the best of them, but he also dribbles with a deft touch normally possessed by men a foot shorter than him.

To draw a familiar parallel, that's like a crossing Tim Duncan's size with Allen Iverson's handles.

Now, I've seen plenty of Inter games on TV and am well familiar with Zlatan's heroics. But seeing him live is something that I may never again have the opportunity to witness; after all, it's not exactly convenient to travel halfway across the world for 90 minutes of soccer.

So you can imagine my abject horror - and fury - when Inter agreed to sell him to Barcelona last Friday.

While the clubs are still working out the final details, the odds are very long that Ibra steps onto the field tonight in a meaningless game, for an outfit he is shortly about to vacate. In all likelihood, he played his last match in Inter's black-and-blue striped shirt on Sunday evening.

That's right, I missed out on possibly my only chance to see my favorite soccer player by two f*cking days.

Sports Gods: 1 Mike: 0

I'm the stubborn type, though, and one way or another I'm going to see some Ibrahimovic today. So are you, because I'm dedicating YouTube Tuesday to Ibra-cadabra and his magic.

Watch and be amazed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBvrb_4fwdM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

It's YouTube Tuesday!

Epiphany: I need more "bloggy" stuff. Let me explain.

Most of the material I've written for this site is pure column/op-ed stuff. Which is good, since I intend on making a career out of this sort of thing. As a result, I've taken to re-posting most of this stuff elsewhere, in an effort to build a name for myself and get a readership going.

This is all peachy-keen, except for one nagging question: If I'm writing a blog, and posting a good majority of the material elsewhere (namely Bleacher Report), then why keep doing the blog at all?

Because this is a lot more fun. Even though journalism's center stage is increasingly internet-centric, many of the tools of the trade were still forged in the newspaper age. The profile, the column, the editorial, the cut-and-dry news story... this stuff is still the backbone of what we absorb every day.

As well it should be; just because cars go faster than they used to doesn't mean we should stop putting engines in them.

But the downside to this, and the upside to the internet, is that these traditional methods often discourage spontaneity. For a column to be good, it has to have a point behind it, and the structure to match. I certainly enjoy doing that and believe I'm effective at it, but sometimes I want to just throw down a bunch of bullet points about how the NBA offseason, or go off on a 3 paragraph mini tangent.

The internet allow for that creativity. America's Twitter obsession is exhibit A, the journalistic equivalent of a teenager rebelling against the structured environment of his/her parents. The key is balance; nobody wants their news exclusively in 140 character snapshots, but it would also be silly to waste to the internet's immense potential.

Hence the need for more "bloggy" stuff to complement the analysis. And as a result, I've decided to institute YouTube Tuesdays.

Every week, I'll post a link to a video on YouTube that I find to be fascinating for whatever reason. Generally, these will be sports related but I reserve the right to post something random should the mood strike me. I also reserve the right to post YouTube videos on days not called Tuesday, because should Uncle Ron Ron come up with another Jackson tribute on a Wednesday, there isn't a snow flake's chance in hell that I'm waiting six more days to spit out that URL.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the inaugural edition, we're going with a highlight video of Jason "White Chocolate" Williams' 10 greatest plays.

Yes, I realize that Williams ended up being a massive disappointment whose ultimate contribution to the NBA was a bizarre fusion of thuggish looks and a West Virginia accent, but everybody forgot way too how much of a sensation this guy was when he hit the league. He had uncanny court vision and the flair to match, and honest to God played like a cross between Magic and Pistol Pete. Really. I'm not kidding.

Anyways, for all his considerable talent, he never could channel it consistently because he never thought like a point guard. He played point guard, but he wasn't a point guard. But when during those flashes of brilliance, he was unbelievable to watch.

Take a look and consider this a glimpse of what might have been:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYnW07d062g&feature=related

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I Hate "That Guy!!!"




Last week, I waxed poetic about the numerous ways the Shawn Marion trade will improve my beloved Dallas Mavericks and as those of you who read the article know, there are many reasons to be excited. I did, however, leave one out. Perhaps my favorite. And as you, dear reader, can probably guess, it involves my amateurish photo-shopping of Devean George's self-involved smirk.

See, as part of this deal, I now sleep content with the knowledge that Devean George will never again infest the locker room of my favorite sports franchise. Let me assure you, this is no small victory; if I had to assign a dollar amount that I would have paid out of my own pocket to banish Devean George to the Island of Irksome Role Players, the ballpark figure would have been around $7500.

So believe me when I say that the emotional payoff of the Mavs shipping him out while simultaneously acquiring one of my favorite players (Marion) is like Moses leading the Hebrews into a beer garden after their 40 year jaunt through the desert.

In case this hasn't clanked you over the head like an errant Devean George jump shot, allow me to make myself Crystal Taylor clear: I hate Devean George. A lot. Ultimately, its a pretty benign hatred, mostly because it would be pretty impractical to really do something about it; I don't intend to embarass him publicly, slash his tires, or even TP his house. But it's as real as your worst college hook-up and just like those "cold sores" you got a week later, it ain't going anywhere for a while.

Why do I hate Devean George, you ask? Because he's "that guy." We all have one, a bit player on your favorite team who is mostly inconsequential to it's success yet ekes out just enough playing time to drive you, and everyone around you, insane.

If he's a football player, he doesn't hit the hole hard, or he arm tackles, or he gets penalized way too often.

"That guy" in baseball takes called 3rd strikes, nibbles around the strike zone, or constantly grounds into double plays.

If it's a basketball player, well, he's Devean George.

In my defense, it didn't have to be this way. I really had high hopes for Devean George and his career 5.6 ppg scoring average. It's not my fault that whenever he touched the ball, he had Kobe Bryant's shot selection with Bryant Reeves' game. Or that I trust his corner 3 less than Shawn Kemp at a buffet line. I certainly can't be blamed for him unleashing his trademark defense, which involved pushing, pulling, grabbing, shoving, and sometimes punching opposing players in ways that I didn't think were legal in at least a dozen states, let alone the basketball court.

Yet he somehow was even more insufferable off the court. In February 2008, he sabotaged a package deal that would have sent him to New Jersey in exchange for Jason Kidd because he didn't want to hurt his market value in a contract year, apparently the last person to realize that his game would do that for him. Five months later, there was Devean George, all to happy to slink back into a Mavs uniform for half his previous year's salary.

Don't even get me started on his theatrics whenever the Mavericks journeyed to the Staples Center, site of his glory years as the 8th man on the Lakers' title teams. Between the incessant flirting with Penny Marshall and his sanctimonious preening for the six remaining fans that gave actually gave damn about him, Devean George's biannual homecoming was equal parts obnoxious and pathetic, an irrelevant piece of self-promotion rivaled only by Guns N'Roses' "Chinese Democracy."

I could go on, but why bother? Much like me 10 minutes into Devean George's Dallas career, you've probably seen enough.

Right now, I suspect some of you are disgusted. You're probably wondering why I get so worked up about a bit player who played 15 minutes per night. 15 agonizing minutes, I say, but point taken. I've never met Devean George, and for all I know, he could be a really nice guy. He doesn't have a rap sheet, never runs his mouth to the media, and that the Dallas front office welcomed him back with open arms after he submarined their intial attempts to get Kidd definitely speaks to something. Personally I'm of the opinion that "something" entails blackmail, but hey, I wasn't in the room when he signed the contract papers.

Yes, some of you are probably shaking your heads. But you know what? I know that a lot more of you are nodding in agreement.

Because let's be honest, this is about more than my loathing of one Devean Jamar George. No, this about every fan, of every team, and "that guy" who the front office deposited on their roster like a flaming bag of poo, rang the doorbell, and expected you, the loyal fan, to deal with the consequences. East Coast; West Coast; Midwest; Southwest, we've all been there. Regardless of where your loyalties lie, you feel my pain on this one, and I, yours.

So I want to know: who's your Devean George? Think of this column as sports therapy, and the comments section as your safe space. It's OK, I don't like to judge.

Except Devean George. I hate that guy.

Friday, July 10, 2009

I Love Ron Artest


I really, truly do. Mostly because he's crazy. Not in a serial killer way, not in a "fling poop at the walls way," but in a "crazy like your senile Uncle Benny, who you kinda wish wasn't a part of your family but somehow you tell stories about him anyway because he's absolutely ridiculous" kind of way. If that makes sense. In fact, I think I'm going to start calling Artest "Uncle Ron Ron" from now on. It's only fitting.

So anyways, it's a good thing that I think so highly of Uncle Ron Ron because now that we both reside in Los Angeles, I'm going to have a lot more of him in my life. And what better way to endear himself to both me, and the family of the late, great Michael Jackson than by making his own tribute video on YouTube? Hey, Malice at the Palace or no Malice at the Palace, he's a sensitive guy.

Normally, I'd write more of an intro for something like this, but nothing I do can remotely prepare you for...well, take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGo0jGZMawM

To paraphrase my crazy Uncle, "you my n*gga Ron Ron."

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Enter The Matrix




Confession time: ever since Shawn Marion’s second season in the NBA, I’ve been infatuated with his game. More than any forward not named ‘Garnett,’ Marion has been blessed with the ability to blend into the fabric of a game, skirting the line between taking over and slipping into the shadows. On offense, he possesses the rare trifecta of 3-point range, an ability to drive to the rim, and post up skills. Defensively, he’s one of the league’s premier defenders, equally adept at guarding 2s, 3s, and 4s.

Up until now, I’ve followed Marion’s career via an admiring eye from afar, periodically wondering what if my beloved Dallas Mavericks kept the pick Phoenix used to draft him, and instead paired him with Dirk Nowitzki.

Now, a decade after he entered the league, I’ve got my chance to find out. And even though the 31 year-old Marion is reaching the latter stages of his prime, I’m giddy thinking of what he can add to this Dallas team.

Actually, giddy doesn’t nearly do it justice. Right now, I’m the kid in a Corn Pops commercial. “I gotta have my Pops!” Only instead of fructose-laced pellets of death, I gotta have a 6’7’’ combo forward. Probably better for my figure in the long run, anyway.

The reason I’m so excited about Marion is because he is the yin to Dallas’ yang, a one-size-fits-all solution to so many of this team’s problems. Consider the following:

*Shawn Marion is an elite perimeter defender. If the Mavs are serious about prying back open their window to an NBA title, and they are, it is imperative that they find a way to deal with the one constant among every serious contender: a pair of scoring wings. Kobe and Artest; Ginobili and Jefferson; Carmelo and JR Smith; Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter; Allen and Pierce. Cleveland’s the exception to this rule, but LeBron more than compensates for this on his own.

Ignore, for a moment, the offensive potential of a Marion-Josh Howard combo (and yes, it’s considerable enough to perhaps warrant mention with the above group) and instead recall the difficulties Dallas had stopping some of these players last season. Kobe, LeBron, Carmelo, and Vince ran roughshod while the others on this list gave the team fits in at least one game during the season.

Last year, against these types of pairings, the Mavs only means of countering was to play Antoine Wright together with Howard, which created two problems. First, Wright is a non-entity on offense that teams would give carte blanche to shoot in exchange for having an extra man to double Nowitzki, Howard, or Jason Terry; Antoine rarely made them pay.

Second, while Josh has the ability to be an exceptional player on both ends of the floor, counting on him to defend the opposing team’s top scorer while simultaneously expecting him to double as Dallas’ co-second option (along with Terry) is not only draining but extremely risky; if he endures a second consecutive injury prone season, Dallas is irrecoverably weakened on both ends of the floor.

Enter Marion. He’s an upgrade in every way over Wright, meaning that the team not only improves defensively, but also eliminates the need to play 4 vs. 5 on offense, a sacrifice they too often made in order to accommodate Wright’s defense. Marion also makes Howard’s life a lot easier by drawing the task of covering the opposing team’s best player, which in turn eases the defensive burden on Josh and subsequently allows him to expend more energy on offense.

Finally, go back and read that list one more time. Apart from the Lakers, none of those teams has two defenders as good as Marion and Howard, and some of them don’t even have one. Obviously, it’s a great thing for the Mavs offense, but it has even more disruptive potential on defense given the likelihood that Dallas will be one of the few teams capable of disturbing those aforementioned teams’ offensive rhythm. Come playoff time, that’s a huge, series-altering edge.

*Shawn Marion will fit within the flow of the offense.
The now-exhausted tagline for those following the 2008-2009 Dallas Mavericks was “they need more firepower.” Believe me, I know. There were only three real scoring threats on last year’s team, and two of them, Howard and Terry, missed half the regular season between them. That meant that for weeks at a time, the only way this team had a fighting chance of winning was if Dirk and Howard/Terry combined for at least fifty points. It was brutal to watch. Borderline soul crushing, even.

But did you know that despite that, the Mavs finished 9th in the league in scoring last season at 101.7 points per game? While only having three double digit scorers? What that means is as bad as things looked, the offense really isn’t that far off from resembling the elite units from the ghosts of Mavericks’ past.

It also means that the best way to maximize the offense’s potential isn’t to add another premium scoring option, because it could upset the balance of the offense by taking a chunk of shots away from Dirk, Howard, and Terry. Rather, the solution is to add a few complementary scorers, and nobody plays “complementary scorer” better than Shawn Marion.

In Phoenix, he was technically the fourth option who rarely had plays drawn up for him, yet he flirted with 20ppg in almost every season he played there by channeling the same tenacity that earned him his reputation on defense. Using smarts, fantastic off-the-ball movement, and just plain hard work, Marion forced his way into the box score via putbacks, cuts to the basket, and the occasional three pointer. The proof is in the numbers; Marion is a career 17.8ppg scorer on 14.8 shots per game and 48.1% shooting. In other words, he puts the ball in the bucket at an efficient rate.

Analysts cite his decline by pointing at four consecutive years of decreased scoring, but what they omit is that Marion also posted the four lowest shot totals of his career as well during that period. I’m not saying that he’s magically going to return to his Suns glory days overnight, but the rumors of his demise certainly appear to be over-exaggerated.

Acquiring Marion is an easy way to add offense without taking touches away from the team’s primary scoring options. While he’s bristled in the past at being a third or fourth option, he’s also coming off back to back losing seasons and signed with Dallas after testing the free agent market for the first time in his career, meaning that he knows exactly what he’s getting into and is fine with it. It wasn’t too long ago that Nick Van Exel and Jerry Stackhouse were also considered problem players, but both turned into veteran leaders during their tenure in a Mavs uniform; there’s no reason to think Marion won’t do the same.

*Shawn Marion creates offensive versatility.
By this, I mean both in the personnel available on the floor as well as the style the team plays.

In all likelihood Marion’s arrival will shift Josh Howard to shooting guard, meaning that the Mavs’ starting lineup will be Jason Kidd-Howard-Marion-Nowitzki-Marcin Gortat with Jason Terry essentially playing starter’s minutes off the bench. Thanks to Marion’s versatility, however, the looks that Rick Carlisle can throw at other teams are almost limitless.

They can go jumbo-sized, demonstrated by the aforementioned starting lineup that features above average to exceptional rebounders at all five positions.

They can play small and feature Marion at the 4 (where he made his bones in his Phoenix days), using a lineup of Kidd-Terry-Howard-Marion-Gortat.

Or they could even give Mike D’Antoni a wet dream by playing Nowitzki at center, simultaneously featuring five above average to exceptional shooters on the floor. Simply by virtue of having Nowitzki, the Mavs were already an unconventional team that was tough to strategize against but adding Marion creates limitless offensive wrinkles to explore.

The biggest key to the 2005-2006 Finals team’s success was their versatility. Fast or slow, big or small, it didn’t matter what type of game their opponent played because the Mavs could exploit any weakness with equal effectiveness. That type of versatility has been missing since, and it’s evident in the team’s results.

Shawn Marion changes that. It’s an older squad, but teams once again are going to fear Dallas because they’ll once again be able to play any style, at any time – and win doing it.


So what does it all mean? In a nutshell, by acquiring Marion, the Dallas Mavericks just improved significantly on both ends of the floor without drastically altering their offensive structure. Best of all, it cost them virtually nothing; Jerry Stackhouse and Devean George weren’t part of the team’s plans while the newly signed Quinton Ross replaces Antoine Wright’s contributions.

It’s too soon to pass judgment on where the Mavericks stand in the West until the offseason is over, but even just two weeks into free agency, it’s readily apparent that next year’s team is much, much improved over the 2008-2009 version – and Shawn Marion is the biggest reason for it.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Of Toolboxes, Focus, and Federer: How Andy Roddick Redeemed Himself at Wimbledon


I’d love to tell you that I woke up at 6:15AM Pacific Standard Time, feverishly anticipating the Wimbledon Final.

I might have prepared myself a bowl of cereal and poured a tall glass of orange juice before parking myself on the couch, willing the minutes to go by faster. I could have pontificated on Roger Federer’s legacy, wondering what kind of a match he would have had with legends such as Rod Laver, Bjorn Borg, and Pete Sampras. I would have nodded with the talking heads as they recounted how special last year’s final was, all the while wondering how a healthy Rafael Nadal would have affected Federer’s pursuit of supremacy.

But I did none of these things. Instead, I slept in, content with the knowledge that I would, in all likelihood, see the match results in box score form rather than watching them play out first hand.

I didn’t make that decision because I’d rather undergo a root canal than wake up any time in the 6:00AM hour, although I’m only half-kidding about that. No, I didn’t watch it because I honestly didn’t feel like seeing Andy Roddick lose in straight sets.

And really, can you blame me? Roddick entered Sunday with a career record of just 2-18 against Federer, including three losses in Grand Slam finals - the only ones Roddick has been to since his memorable 2001 US Open Title. Those matches usually played out in the same, demoralizing fashion; Roddick pouring every bit of gasoline upon his house-on-fire serve, only to watch helplessly as Federer cleanly and efficiently ripped his heart out in any and every way imaginable.

Indeed, it wasn’t one overriding cause as much as it was an inundation of the little intricacies of Federer’s game, fitting together like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. While Roddick tried to bludgeon each opponent to death with brute strength, Federer dug into his toolbox and pulled out the specific shot he needed at that moment. Backhand volley? Check. Drop shot at the net? Check. Winner down the line, pinpoint second serve, crosscourt forehand? Check, check, and check.

Try as Andy might, he couldn’t beat Roger Federer because Federer, simply put, is much, much better at the sport of tennis.

So naturally, I was intrigued when I read the simple text message my buddy Matt sent me at 9:39AM.

WAKE UP AND WATCH THE END OF WIMBLEDON.

When the TV flickered on and the numbers 10-10 stared back at me, that intrigue turned into a pleasant shock. After watching a few points and placing a phone call to my father –a former tennis teacher who knows more about the game than I know about anything – it became readily apparent that not only was Roddick holding his own with Fed, but he was actually giving the Swiss Maestro all he could handle. As Roddick later pointed out, Federer was, “for the first time ever,” struggling to return Roddick’s serve.

In fact, equally important as what Roddick was accomplishing was how he was accomplishing it. As paramount as Roddick’s serve is to his identity as a player, the improvements made to the rest of his game were what got him this far.
Here was Roddick going to net, putting away a Federer drop shot.

There was Roddick flummoxing Federer with a drop shot of his own, no doubt leaving the 14 time Grand Slam Champion wondering when, exactly, Roddick started using a drop shot in the first place.

Everywhere was Roddick, traversing the court with movement not seen since that US Open so many years ago.

Suddenly, Andy Roddick had a toolbox of his own. It wasn’t as diverse as Federer’s, but that’s hardly a fair comparison; at this point, we might as well start calling Fed “Black and Decker.” Still, Roddick put on a display that few would have thought possible, finally playing balanced tennis rather than trying to blast the ball on every shot.

As Roddick’s 27th birthday approaches, one has to wonder whether we’re finally seeing him reach maturity. He’s married now, and the only headlines he’s made off the court recently were commenting about the music in his wife’s iPod, a far cry from the days where his picture would frequent the pages of tabloids newspapers. On the court, he sucked up his pride and sucked in his gut, hiring accomplished coach Larry Stefanski and immediately obeying his request to drop 15 pounds.

Not surprisingly, that newfound focus produced results. After questioning his place in the sport just one year ago, Roddick demonstrated that he’s not only still here, but that he can hang with anyone – even against perhaps the greatest player ever.

Ultimately, Roddick couldn’t hold on at Wimbledon. But for once, a Roddick loss to Roger Federer didn’t leave us with a feeling of disappointment. Instead, it left us with hope and a promise –Andy Roddick is back to where he belongs.